Life With Vivian

A Few Christmas Pictures

2010-12-04T10:16:00.001-06:00

Here are a few of our Christmas pics we took right after Thanksgiving (can you believe I forgot to take pictures of V's first Thanksgiving? I'm totally kicking myself over that)

This is the one I used on the Christmas card. I need to scan it in and post it, it's beautiful!

Shutterfly is Fly

2010-11-15T21:20:00.002-06:00

I LOVE Shutterfly. I have been using this site to store all my pictures as backup. I never backed up my photos before, but once I started uploading hundreds of pictures a month of Vivian, I knew it was important so I wouldn't lose them forever.

When M and I got married, we started the tradition of sending out photo Christmas cards each year. I always ordered them from another site, but there were only a few styles that I even liked, so it limited my choices. Last year we didn't send Christmas cards because V had just been born and we were about to send out birth announcements.

When I started shopping around for announcements, I found my favorite ones on Shutterfly. I really liked the quality, so when Christmas cards came out this year I went straight to Shutterfly to see what they have. They offer SO MANY choices and their cards are stunning!

What makes this company even more awesome is they are offering 50 FREE holiday cards to bloggers! Find out more about the offer here.

Nerves.

2010-11-15T00:11:00.002-06:00

I should be sleeping right now. But I've been lying in bed for about 45 minutes with way too many thoughts swirling in my head.

Tomorrow (Today actually) I am going in for my LEEP procedure (I talked a little bit about the issue here - it's not cancer, but I have some bad cells that they want to get rid of). I'm a little nervous but I'm trying to distract myself with other things, like obsessing over weaning V off bottles and onto sippies.

I keep telling myself this:

I've been through plenty of pain. I have experienced both the worst physical and the worst emotional pain of my life all in the past two years.

The worst emotionally was losing Dylan. It hurt so bad that I literally ached all over physically. Sometimes I couldn't breathe. I often wished I were dead too. But I lived through it, and I feel good now. I made it, and I'm okay.

The worst physically was my recovery after having V. I don't know why it was so bad, but I couldn't walk for two weeks. I even cried when I peed (why is it no one tells you how awful recovery is?). I thought I'd never get back to normal! But I did. I made it, and I'm okay.

Tomorrow? I don't think it will compare to either of these experiences. I am afraid it'll hurt, but I just keep telling myself that it'll all be okay and that the pain won't be as bad as what I've already experienced.

I'll make it, and I'll be okay.

Wish me luck.

Wordless Wednesday: A Cute Face

2010-10-20T13:50:00.000-05:00

Ten Months, baby

2010-10-18T20:04:00.000-05:00

Gorgeous Vivian turned 10 months yesterday!

It's very hard for me to believe that in TWO MONTHS she will be one. This is by far the most fun age so far (will I be saying that for the rest of her life - until the teen years at least?).

What's going on:

-V has 7 teeth. 3 bottom and 4 top.
-She is crawling (FAST), pulling up, cruising.
-She stood alone (without holding onto anything) for 10 seconds today!
-She is saying Mama and "Mahm" in proper context (to me!!!!!)

Her stats:
15 lbs 8 oz (2nd percentile)
27 1/4" (22nd percentile)

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Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr!

Slacker

2010-10-18T13:42:00.002-05:00

Call me a slacker. I know I am. I'm having a hard time finding the spare minutes to write a blog post, and when I do I usually forget anyway!

Today I am catching up on my blog reading (which I've also been slacking on) and read that one of my favorite bloggers (Addicted To Addison) made a Tumblr. Sort of like a blog/twitter/miniblog thing.

So I decided to make one too. This way I can do short little updates on things that don't need a whole blog post of their own. So if you adore Vivian - which I know you do or you wouldn't read my blog - then go ahead and follow me on Tumblr so you can read all the minuscule details of our life. :)

My first Tumblr post is about Vivian's 10 month stats. A real 10 month blog post is coming soon though.

Wordless Wednesday: Let Me Out!!

2010-10-13T12:11:00.002-05:00

Pumpkin Patch

2010-10-12T11:44:00.002-05:00

Saturday we took V to the pumpkin patch. I think she really enjoyed it, and I got some awesome pictures!

Scarecrow + scarecrow = pumpkin baby??

Talking to daddy

V rode a horse for the first time! She definitely takes after her mama, because she LOVED it. Wasn't scared of the horse one bit. Now all I can think about is getting her a horse. Too bad we live in a restricted neighborhood :(

I took a video on my phone of them riding. Then I was in such a hurry to take pics that I closed my phone without saving the video. Yeah, it's gone. I'm sick about it.

I edited a few of my favorite pics. I'm pretty proud of them and think they look great. I'm going to print them out and frame them, which is a pretty rare act for me.

Peace.

2010-10-07T14:22:00.002-05:00

I love Thankful Thursdays. I love that they really make me stop and count my blessings and think of the many many things I am thankful for. I am thankful for Thankful Thursdays!

This week I was hit with a realization. I realized how easy it is to take for granted a healthy, happy baby. A baby that can go where she wants to go, a baby that can accomplish the milestones she wants to accomplish. It wasn't until I started spending time with a baby that cannot do these things, that I realized how absolutely special those things are.

Today I am thankful for

9. My healthy, happy baby. She amazes me and fills my heart with more joy than I ever thought possible.

10. Peace. It's been 16 days since my biopsy. I was supposed to hear back within 8-10business days. I thought I'd be freaking out waiting for results. Instead, though I'm definitely curious and waiting for the call, I am totally calm and at peace over whatever the outcome.

11. A job that allows me to stay home with my baby girl.

12. Thankful on a Thursday :)

Different

2010-10-06T21:34:00.002-05:00

Whew.

That's how I feel.

Exhausted.

Tuesday I started babysitting. Full time, in my home. It's totally different. A whole new ballgame.

I am only keeping one other child. An 11 month old baby with special needs. If taking care of two babies wasn't different enough, then taking care of one mobile baby and one special needs baby sure did it.

Tuesday was rough. It was all our first day and I know the new baby (how about we call him LB for "little boy"?) was in a totally new environment. He was fussy, I was freaked out. Vivian was a total sport.

Today was a lot, a lot, better. Where yesterday I cried to M and said "I don't know if I can do it", today I feel like we will quickly be able to fall into a routine together.

We all know first days can be rough, no matter what it's the first day of.

So please excuse me while I gather my bearings and get them straight. It might take me a little while to get back in the groove of blogging. I hope not, but I'm sure you all understand if so. :)

First Ear Infection

2010-10-01T14:02:00.002-05:00

V has her very first ear infection. I feel so bad for her.

Yesterday I just thought her fussiness was from teething, which is unusual because she has 6.5 teeth and is a great teether. She hasn't had a bottle/sippy of formula since 7:30 AM yesterday. Last night she kept waking up screaming and I'd rock her and she's rub her right ear. That pretty much clued me in because she never messes with her ears.

I took her straight in at 8:00 this morning and the Dr. said that it's the beginning of an ear infection. Poor V, when the Dr put the scope in her ear she just lost it. Dr said she also has some white blisters in the back of her throat. Said there is a baby virus going around and that she probably got it, thus causing the ear infection. Beats me, as V has not been sick.

Anyway, we got her on some Amoxcicillan and I'm giving her tylenol. She's playing now but is still super sensitive and cries over every little thing. Poor baby. :(

Just Me, Only Sexier

2010-09-29T16:26:00.004-05:00

Lately I have been having some serious self-image issues. I don't feel pretty at all. Some of it might have to do with my weight, but even though I'm heavier than I was pre-pregnancy (ok, I'm heavier than I was even two weeks post-pregnancy) I don't feel like I'm fat when I look in the mirror. I could use to lose a few pounds, and definitely tone up. But I don't think that's the brunt of my problem.

I just read this article, Makeover Diaries: Just the Way I Am, Only Sexier, and it confirmed what I already knew.

I've turned frumpy. I feel frumpy. And feeling frumpy does not = feeling pretty. Not feeling pretty = low self-esteem. Low self-esteem makes one lash out at their innocent husbands and yell, as one is changing clothes for the umpteenth time, "I HATE the way I look. I'm HIDEOUS. I hate ALL my clothes!! I NEVER feel pretty anymore!" While husband stands with his mouth agape, not knowing how to respond to the outburst.

Since this is a recent realization, I am still trying to figure out what to do to permanently solve the problem. When I go to buy new clothes I always come out with the same thing: solid color t-shirts.

I know. Yuck. It's great to have some basic T's on hand, but after wearing a different color, but the same style T, every day for the past two years, yeah, I don't feel very ~~glam~~. Scratch glam. I don't even need to feel glad. I just want to look nice. Feel nice.

I have no idea where to start. I'm a modest girl. My husband likes me to be modest. I don't wear tank tops, I would, but the hubs doesn't like them. I wear jeans occasionally, but M prefers that I wear skirts. I have two nice skirts that I wear interchangeably throughout the week. With my T-shirts. Gag.

I can't shop to save my life. I feel like everything I like is not modest enough and I'd have to layer it. I am really hot natured and layering in the warmer months is unbearable for me. Layering is okay in cold months, but those are few and it's still not my preference. I'm not even going to get into how I feel about my hair. No matter how I have it cut, it always, always looks exactly the same. Just shorter.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know where to start. I'm tired of feeling ugly. I need help.

Wordless Wednesday: Waiting for DaDa

2010-09-29T06:00:00.001-05:00

Weekend Recap

2010-09-26T21:42:00.002-05:00

On Friday, daddy came home early and I snapped a couple of pics of him and V together. I LOVE her "big girl" smile in these pics.

Saturday morning we all went to the Cystic Fibrosis walk. Then we decided to go to a local college football game. I'm not a huge football fan, because I don't really know much about it. But I really had fun. I KNOW M enjoyed it, and V even watched the whole game!

In the school colors complete with big girl keds. :)

Sunday was just church and relaxing. I always forget to take pictures of V before church, but I actually remembered this morning. My kid ROCKS white shoes after Labor Day. :)

Tooth #5

2010-09-23T17:30:00.002-05:00

I just noticed, literally about 30 minutes ago, that V has her 5th tooth. It's the bottom right side incisor. Soon she'll have a cute little row of chicklits on the bottom!

I have to share this page, Baby Teeth, Order of Appearance. It's really super cool. I've always been curious about the order in which babies usually get their teeth. So far, V is right on track with the order.

Now, as I promised the other day, here is V's nine month picture. :)

The Procedure

2010-09-21T19:01:00.002-05:00

Several weeks ago I got a call back that my annual pap smear came back abnormal.

So my Colposcopy was this morning. I have to say I L.O.V.E my ob/gyn, she's been amazing through everything I've been through (losing our son, my stillbirth delivery, 2nd pregnancy, etc).

She told me when she came in that my pap smear was "very abnormal" on a scale of normal, questionable, abnormal, and very abnormal. She started the procedure and told me that it did not look like cancer, but my cervix did look abnormal so she went ahead with a biopsy. It was pretty uncomfortable, but wasn't unbearable.

She said that the results may come back mild, moderate, or severe for pre-cancerous cells. If it's mild or moderate they will just do frequent pap smears to keep an eye on it. If it comes back severe, then she wants to go ahead and do a LEEP procedure where they will remove the part of my cervix that contains the bad cells. She said the severe pre-cancerous cells can turn to cancer quickly and this procedure will treat it and we'll be done with it.

I thought I'd be scared, but I'm really at peace. For that, I can only thank God.

9 Months

2010-09-18T21:07:00.003-05:00

I'll say it; I've officially had an outside baby as long as I had an inside baby. I also will say that these nine months have flown by MUCH faster than the first nine.

As of yesterday V is 9 months old. She is more delightful than ever and doing so many new things. I didn't get a chance to take her 9 month pics yet, but I will for sure do it tomorrow. This is actually the first time I didn't take the month pics on her actual monthday.

Some things happening right now:

- Crawling. It started out with army crawling about a month ago and she is now mostly crawling on her hands and knees.
- Pulling up. She can crawl over to something and pull up on it.
- Trying to cruise. Not too good at this yet, but she can take a few steps.
- Sitting down from standing. She's just learned how to plonk down on her butt when she's tired of standing.
- Cruising on her knees. She will sit on her knees to play, but she also will stand on her knees and "walk" behind an object that she can push.
- Four teeth. Two top, two bottom.
- Drinking all of her day time formula feedings from a sippy cup. Born Free Training Cup is amazing!

- She's not saying any words yet. But she is saying "Buh" a lot. When I say "Book" she says "Buh buh", when I say "baby" she says "Buh Buh", etc.
- She has waved once or twice. I don't think she's fully caught on yet.
- She is not showing any signs of stranger anxiety. She is still so bubbly and smiles and puts on a show for anybody who will look her way. She will talk to and smile at everyone!

- We've still never had a poopy diaper blowout, which I'm very glad about.
- V is wearing size 9 month clothes. I don't know her exact height and weight but at 7 months she was 26 1/4" (so I'm guessing about 27-28" now) and at 8 months she was 14.14 lbs (I think about 16 1/2 lbs now)

I will get a few pictures of the big-girl tomorrow. Until then...

I Ate My Words

2010-09-17T20:42:00.002-05:00

I have been really busy this week. I forgot all about the blog until my best friend and most faithful blog follower informed me that I needed to update. I literally have not had one spare minute this week to write! So for that I apologize.

When you're a mom, you will inevitably eat your words. I always said I would never drop my child off with a babysitter at the last minute.

Never say never.

I had an obligation to attend to this evening. I made plans weeks ago with a friend to watch V until M could pick her up after work. But today my friend called and her baby had a fever. I wasn't willing to risk V getting sick. So I called another friend this morning who has offered to watch V before. She was delighted to watch her. But I felt bad because it was so last minute. I NEVER thought I would just drop my kid in on someone.

But it worked out, and I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't thought this friend was completely willing and delighted to watch V. And I realized that you can't ever guarantee never.

Wordless Wednesday: Pears.

2010-09-08T12:30:00.002-05:00

A Lot of New

2010-09-07T16:06:00.002-05:00

Crawling: I can't recall if I've mentioned it, but Vivian has been army crawling for about two weeks. She's fast. Really fast. She can scout where she wants to go and get there in the time it takes me to blink.

Today V crawled over to me on her hands and knees. I couldn't believe it. I was expecting the army crawling, she worked hard on that for about 3 weeks before she got any sort of movement down.

But today? She just...went. Instead of slithering towards me on her belly, she slowly put one hand out, carefully slid her leg forward, and repeated with the other side. Until she got to me. IMPRESSIVE!

Pulling up: Last week V started pulling up to her knees in the crib and in front of the couch. Sunday, she army crawled over the the couch where M and I were sitting, pulled up on her knees like she normally does, and then up onto her feet! No! She's growing too fast. Do you know what comes next?! Do you?? Cruising. :::cry:::

Saying farewell: We said a temporary goodbye to Vivian's Occupational Therapist today. V has seen an OT, a PT, and another therapist (whom I don't really have a title for but she works with language, etc and she's our Service Area Coordinator) since she was 3.5 months for Torticollis. Today was the OT's day to come and she said V is doing SO WELL that she only needs to see her quartly instead of monthly! Wow! Go V! So it was a little sad, because we won't see Ms. C again until around V's birthday. But we still have our other two fun friends to play with 3 times a month.

Labor Day Weekend, Part 2

2010-09-06T20:40:00.002-05:00

My other post (Labor Day Weekend, Part 1) was getting really long so I decided to split it into two posts. :)

After an exhausting day on Saturday, we slept in and missed church on Sunday. We lazed around and worked on cleaning out our 3rd bedroom for the playroom. We made a lot of progress!

Today, M was off for Labor Day, so we decided to complete the weekend by having a nice picnic at the local Arboretum.

It was a lovely weekend. I loved spending so much time together as a family, just us 3, with no distractions. We're always busy, always going, and always doing something. But it's not always together. And to top it off, the weather was amazing.

I couldn't have asked for a better weekend!

Labor Day Weekend, Part 1

2010-09-06T17:31:00.007-05:00

We had a wonderful, family focused Labor Day weekend. On Saturday we spent the day at the Fort Worth zoo.

When we entered the zoo, we didn't go the right way to see the usual zoo animals. We spent time in the "Texas Wild" area which was really fun.

There was a little play barn that we went in

V had her first taste of ice cream. I think the cold caught her off gaurd

Then we visited the gator area. V got to sit on a gator's head (ok so it was a fake gator :)) and we got to watch a huge gator swim around right in front of us.

Next, we went through the snake and bat exibit. They had some feaux caverns that we took as a photo op.

While we finished up our afternoon at the zoo, V napped while we covered that last few exhibits.

Go to Labor Day Weekend, Part 2

God is Always Good

2010-09-02T13:49:00.003-05:00

I have been stressed this week. I mentioned the other day that I was getting two babies to babysit full time. What I didn't mention was the week before I got a call back with an abnormal pap smear. I was supposed to go in two weeks for a colposcopy/biopsy. But then we had to reschedule.

We couldn't seem to find a good date for the little boy to start here since he has to be taken out of daycare. And my Dr. appt kept getting in the way. Then I was stressing about taking care of three babies, one with special needs. AND stressing about the outcome of this procedure.

I prayed that God would just help me out and let happen whatever was in His will.

Last night the mom of the little girl told me that she won't be needing a sitter now, a family member was going to keep the baby. I feel such relief! I feel like I can do this now! It will just be V and the little boy and I think that will be much easier to handle. I didn't even realize that is what I needed.

Thank you God, you know exactly what is right for me!

So on this Thursday, I am thankful for:

4. A God that knows me, takes care of me, and has my best interest in mind! I don't always know what I need to do or what would be the best plan of action, but He does, and he always follows through with such diligence!

5. An amazing neighbor in whom I have found a great friend. I am thankful that I am able to just walk over on days I need some company and we chat about life, lift each other up, eat yummy lunch, and let the kids play. I don't know what I'd do without her!

6. Along the lines of number 4, but I am thankful that the Lord is in control of my situation with this medical procedure. It's been in the back of my mind, but I haven't actually been too worried about it. I know that the Lord will take care of me through this and will hold my hand no matter what the outcome.

7. I am thankful that I am able to stay home with V, and that I will be able to work at home so I can continue to be with her all day. It's such a blessing because it's what I LOVE and DESIRE to do more than anything else in the world! V has hit so many milestones just in the last week and I have been able to see each one of them unfold. It's so amazing!

8. I am thankful that Vivian has almost FOUR teeth and none of them have been a struggle. She has had a few fussy days. But I never even knew that her two bottom teeth came in until I felt them one day. With her first top tooth she had maybe one cranky night and then the tooth was out. Now her newest one is right on the verge of popping through and she (knock on wood) hasn't had a bad day yet. I know some babies really struggle getting their teeth, and I'm just so glad that it's not too much of an issue for V (yet).

Wordless Wednesday: My Little Laundry Fairy

2010-09-01T11:42:00.000-05:00

Two Answers To My Prayer

2010-08-30T10:55:00.002-05:00

Remember THIS POST? The little bit in the middle about getting a babysitting job?

Well I've been praying and praying about it. I've had my friends pray about it and help spread the word. I waited and waited and never heard from anyone needing child care.

Finally, yesterday I made arrangements with the mom of a 10 month old and she is starting here next week. I am really excited, but one child really wasn't enough. Then it gets better!

I got a call from another mom of a 10 month old boy this morning. She wants to come over this evening with her son and husband and talk details. She really wants him out of daycare and it just sounds so so perfect.

I am so blessed! I went from thinking just a few days ago that I might not find any children to watch to having possibly two! I love that the babies are close to V's age. I just keep thinking how much fun we'll have. It'll be like having triplets part time!

Three under one, here I come. Haha.

Blog Hop: A year ago today

2010-08-26T17:00:00.003-05:00

What a fun blog hop! Glad I found it, over at Call Me Laura Jane.

A year ago today I was about 25 weeks pregnant. I was finally over my morning sickness and I had an adorable bump.

Oh, and those are my pre-pregnancy clothes. I could still squeeze into them (ok so the skirt was elastic waist), but I had to wear a bella band so my belly wouldn't show.

Wordless Wednesday: Scooting

2010-08-25T17:02:00.002-05:00

If you'll take notice at the end, I swear she said "I did it!"

Teeth!

2010-08-23T21:48:00.002-05:00

We're adding more pearlies to the collection. Tonight I was getting V ready for bed and noticed her top right tooth came through. This is her 3rd tooth. M was making her laugh and I got this pic, and upon close inspection, you can tell the one on the left is on the verge of coming through as well!

Too Cute To Eat

2010-08-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Ever heard of Marzipan babies? I hadn't, until someone posted a link on a message board I frequent. These little babies are made out of CAKE FROSTING! They are so amazing and beautiful. I want some...but I wouldn't be able to eat them. I'd probably put them on display. :)

(photo taken from http://www.moolf.com/amazing/marzipan-babies.html)

The Evolution of Trying To Crawl

2010-08-20T15:18:00.002-05:00

1. On the knees

2. On the belly

3. On the toes

4. Hold it...hold it...

5. Down! That's exhausting!

Fire.

2010-08-19T10:36:00.002-05:00

Did you ever watch the TV show Rescue 911? I did, when I was a kid.

I'm really not sure why my parents let me watch a show like this, reenactments of emergency situations such as drowning, fires, burglaries, etc. But it was my favorite TV show from ages about 4 or 5 to about 9 years old.

Watching Rescue 911 caused me to obsess about things kids don't usually stress about. I would lie awake at night wondering if our house would catch fire in the night. Sometimes I was afraid that if I fell asleep, I would never wake up. I was absolutely obsessive about unplugging the Christmas tree before we went to bed (there was one episode where the Christmas tree exploded and set the house on fire. I was terrified of our gas stove -- it had fire and carbon monoxide. That was a double whammy! I even made my mom run my bath water for years because I was afraid I'd make it too hot and scald myself.

I still worry about some things. I am not as obsessive about the Christmas tree as I used to be, but I also know that trees are much safer nowadays. I'm not scared of using a gas stove anymore, though carbon monoxide still worries me (thankfully we have no gas appliances in our house)

I'm not sure why I was such a paranoid child. A lot of it stemmed from watching that show, because if I hadn't I wouldn't have been so aware of the things that could harm. But then again, I never understood why my friends were so oblivious to such things.

I want V to grow up with a healthy awareness of things that could harm us. But I also want to be sure that it never keeps her awake at night worrying about what could happen. I want her to always remember that God is our protector and he will keep us safe. What a comforting thought!

Inspired by the prompt Things you oddly obsessed about as a child.

Wordless Wednesday: Vivi & Her Daddy {& Gully too}

2010-08-18T20:43:00.002-05:00

8 Months Old!

2010-08-17T21:50:00.003-05:00

Things she's doing right now:

Trying to crawl - she gets on her hands and knees and rocks and gets on her hands and feet like in push up position.
She just got into sitting position from crawling position on her own today!
Using the pincer grasp to pick up food and feed herself. She's refused purees two nights in a row now but still doesn't eat enough finger foods...hopefully she'll pick one or the other instead of neither.
Today she started jumping while standing up, and also standing without locking her knees. Her OT will be so happy!

Of course she gets cuter and funnier by the day. She hisses and says "ah-daaa" and "dadadada" all day. When she's playing and I look at her, she does her cheezy grin...in case you don't know what that looks like, this is it:

She loves for me to roll a ball to her and she catches it. Her favorite book is Peek A Who?, both the ball rolling and this book result in grins, giggles, and kicking of her feet.

Sweet Vivian, keep growing and learning and being hilarious. You light up every second of my life. You are absolutely amazing!

When You're A Mom

2010-08-13T17:31:00.002-05:00

Before I was a mom, I never understood when parents would say they wish they could be the ones who were sick, instead of their little ones. I thought that was crazy - who would want to be sick??

Well, now I'm a mom, and now I would gladly take my baby's place being sick.

Poor V has had a cold for two days. She seemed to feel fine until today. We had her shots scheduled and they went ahead with them since she didn't have a fever. Now she is burning up with a 100.2 fever in addition to her stuffy nose.

She's not grumpy, just really clingy, & very sleepy {but wasn't interested in sleep, until now}.

And I can almost feel her pain. I know how it feels to be feverish and weak and miserable. I hate it. But when you're a mom, you would more than take the sickness from your child.

The Story of a Lazy Mama

2010-08-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

That would be me.

I decided long before V was born that I would cloth diaper her and make her baby food. Against all odds {ok not really, but no one thought I would really do it} I have cloth diapered and made V's baby food since day 1 {actually, for the baby food - month 4}.

The last couple of weeks, though, I have just felt lazy about doing diaper laundry. And when you only have 12 diapers you have to do laundry every.single.day or you don't have any diapers! I use the cloth diapers when they're clean, but mostly I've just been using disposeables.

I've also grown bored with making her food. I was really loving it for a while. I felt really good about doing it since I didn't stick with breastfeeding. At least I was making some of her food. I've let myself run completely out of green veggies for V and so I only have a freezer full of orange stuff - carrots, squash, sweet potato. I don't want her to turn orange, so I picked up some jars of baby food the other day. I'm sad to say that I LOVE the ease of popping open a jar of food.

Let me clarify. I most certainly don't think moms who choose to use disposeable diapers and feed jar food are lazy. No, no, no. I just personally made that choice and I feel some mommy guilt creep in over not sticking with my plans 100%.

I don't think this slump will continue for long. I love cloth diapering and making baby food. I'm just not in the mood right now. I don't know if it will last another day or another month. But I will get back into the groove. I just need to stop feeling bad about it and go with the flow. That's what mothering is all about, isn't it? Going with the flow?

I Couldn't NOT Share This

2010-08-11T12:51:00.002-05:00

It happened today. As I was getting in the shower.

There was a caterpillar worm type thing on the floor. I didn't want it to get the baby (she was in her exersaucer in the bathroom) so I decided I'd pick the thing up with some toilet paper.

I picked it up and looked it over a little - without getting too close. It was a fat, juicy, grubby type caterpillar worm thing. And like I do with most bugs (the ones I have the guts to pick up at all), I was going to squish it in the toilet paper before I flushed it so it wouldn't climb back up the pipe.

Most bugs, like spiders and crickets and stuff, crunch or at least stay in the toilet paper when I squish them. This worm thing had other plans.

I squished and oh.my.GOD - green bug juice just splatted on my FACE!!!!

I doubled over in disgusted shock, threw the toilet paper in the commode and shuffled over to the mirror to see the damage. I wiped off my forehead so the gunk wouldn't drip into my eyes and when I looked down in the sink....THERE WAS THE WORM!!

How the CRAP did the worm get in the sink?!?! When I squished, and he squirted, he must have also leaped from my grasp two feet over into the sink!

I felt disgusting. I felt like there were worms crawling all over me. Good thing my shower was already running. I washed the disgusting creature down the sink and scrubbed myself clean in the shower.

.........................................................

Since V was almost left motherless by a mom-eating worm, would you be so kind as to vote for her in the Gerber Generation Photo Contest? Thanks!

Wordless Wednesday: Peek-A-Boo

2010-08-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

A New Level Of Frustration

2010-08-10T06:00:00.003-05:00

Of course I know you can't continue to do the same thing and expect different results. But I still complain about being fat and don't get up and do anything about it.

But this weekend I hit a new level of frustration. I weighed. I've weighed several times post-baby. But it wasn't until this weekend that it occured to me that I'm 6 lbs OVER my post baby weight.

I weighed 144 (I'm 5'6", so this is fairly slender) when I got pregnant. I was 195 the day before I delivered. My weight was down 36 lbs two weeks post partum. Now I'm up 6 lbs from that. You can do the math yourself. :)

I've officially decided to do something about it. M is a huge encouragement and he is going to be working out with me. We did our first work out last night on the Wii Active, and we weighed & took measurements. We'll weigh every Sunday.

The Wii Active is a super cool game. It's much more intense than the Wii Fit, it's more of an actual workout. I am always really sore the next day after doing the work out and I sweat like crazy during the workout - that's a good sign!

I'm going to share my "before" pictures with you. It's scary, it really is. They look like mug shots (I am not smiling in them). But I think if I share them I will be more likely to continue to do something about the way I look, since I dislike it so much.

{hangs head in shame}

Wish me luck!

---------------------------------------

While you're here, please check out how you can help Bradyn get a service dog!

A Puppy For Bradyn

2010-08-09T06:00:00.002-05:00

Seizures. Medications, doctor bills, tests, & side effects. Epilepsy. Sleepless nights waiting for the "what ifs"...What if your child has a seizure and needs CPR in the middle of the night? All of this is a reality for Bradyn and his family.

Let Bradyn's Mom tell you how a puppy for Bradyn could change their lives.

...............................................................

Hey there Alice, Vivian and Friends -

My name is Elizabeth but you can call me Ferg_e. Thanks for inviting me to be your guest.

I have been making a lot of new friends lately and am so appreciative that they are all helping me tell this story. I think it is such an important story to tell. I hope you agree.

My son Bradyn celebrated his 4th birthday on July 14 of 2010. He's funny, compassionate, smart, loving and sociable. He loves pets, is full of energy and has been managing uncontrolled Epilepsy since he was 18 months old. He has seen multiple doctors and has tried multiple anti-seizure meds. He has been in and out of the hospital, undergone multiple tests and procedures and has dealt with an array of side effects from his medication. The epilepsy combined with his various medications make him feel off balance, anxious, irritable, worried, scared, annoyed, hesitant, angry and alone. He is also very sensitive to noise, bright lights and crowds, making it hard for him to enjoy and participate in social situations. He has frequent “meltdowns” and struggles with peer-to-peer interactions.

Incredibly, Bradyn has been accepted to receive a service dog from a non-profit organization called 4 Paws for Ability. 4 Paws is a fantastic organization that trains service dogs to address the specific needs of each child in the program. But, training service dogs is expensive! It costs 4 Paws an average of $22,000 per dog placed. At 4 Paws they partner with the child's family who become volunteer fund raisers for 4 Paws and make a commitment to raise a minimum of $13,000 for the agency before taking ownership of the service dog.

For Bradyn, a service dog could help by offering comfort when he is afraid, providing a distraction during unpleasant medical procedures, participating in therapy sessions to encourage Bradyn’s interaction, his service dog could be trained to use a tethering system to help him maintain his balance and independence when his medications make him feel dizzy and off balance. But from a parents perspective, the most important thing that this dog will do is alert us to seizures as they are happening in the middle of the night. Because the possibility of Bradyn needing CPR after a seizure is very real, night time has become a very scary time for us. We don't sleep well anymore. The majority of the night is spent listening to him. Listening to ensure that he is breathing and making sure he doesn't need help. Having a dog that is trained to wake us up if Bradyn needs help will change our life. This dog will bring us a sense of peace that we haven't had in a very long time.

We are very excited about this opportunity and are asking for your help to make it happen. If you would like to help by making a tax-deductible donation, please send a check to:

4 Paws For Ability
235 Dayton Ave.
Xenia, OH 45385

Please write: "In honor of Bradyn Fergerson" in the memo portion of your check.

Or to make a donation online click the orange “chip in” button in the Image below.

We understand that times are tough and some people are not in a position to make a monetary donation at the moment. If you are in that place you can still help. Please help us get the word out. Tweet about us, put a link to Bradyn's blog post on facebook, tell your friends and family to visit www.apuppyforb.com. If you are a blogger and want to write a post about Bradyn or would allow me to guest post on your blog, let me know in the comments and I will contact you. The more people that know about Bradyn and his dog the better!

Thank you!

PS - Bradyn and I are going to be at BlogHer 2010, if you would would like to meet us in person let me know. I can be found on Twitter @Ferg_e.

Things I Love About Myself

2010-08-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

Most women don't give themselves enough credit. We often have low self-esteem and we say derogatory things about ourselves.

I'm totally guilty of this. I could give a whole list of things I dislike about myself. But today I'm not going to do that. My negatives list would possibly be longer than this positive list will be, but I'm going to try my hardest to look deep and list my best qualities. Things I really love about myself. Things I'm proud of.

1. I am a really great mom. Mothering is so easy and natural for me. It's the first thing I've ever thought I was really good at. I am so proud of the fact that I'm a great mom and I know it.

2. I have a really good singing voice.

3. I love my smile.

4. I've always been fairly mature. I was the kid that preferred having a conversation with the adults rather than playing with other kids.

5. I am really fun. At least I think so. I'm sure I'm a total dork, but I always have a good time and don't usually make a fool of myself.

Now here's a challenge for you: write your own list of things you like about yourself. Link up here!

Post It Note Tuesday

2010-08-03T16:08:00.002-05:00

Today is my very first Post-It Note Tuesday. You might be tired of seeing me do all these "memes" lately. I apologize. I think I'm going through another I-Don't-Have-Anything-Interesting-To-Say phase. If I didn't do these promps, there would likely be nothing here. Yes, my life is that exciting.

Standing & Swinging

2010-07-30T18:52:00.005-05:00

Today I put the legs on V's Learn & Groove table and stood her up next to it. Don't let her fool you, she did not pull up - but she sure as heck was proud of herself!

I bought V a swing about two months ago. We don't have any trees, so we had no where to hang it. We found a good deal on a swingset on Craigslist so now we've been enjoying swinging in the evenings before V goes to bed (only time of day when the heat is remotely bearable).

friday five.

2010-07-30T12:07:00.002-05:00

If you'd like to participate in the Friday Five, head on over to Just Me and My Life and link up.

1. if you could be on a show(talk show, game show...) which one would you pick?

Hmmm. When I was pregnant I wanted to be on A Baby Story. I think that would be so cool.

2. what was your first job?

McDonalds. I worked there for 3 days. It was actually really traumatic. I was only 15and I didn't really want or need a job. The manager that hired me went out of town my first day there. No one knew I was new so no one trained me. They just told me to go up front and start taking orders. I worked a breakfast shift and a lunch shift. I had no idea what to do and the line was out the door. Customers were getting mad. None of the other employees wanted to help me when I asked. I cried everytime someone had a big order. Finally my shift was over and my mom came to pick me up. I had a total breakdown on the way home and I never went back.

3. what's one of your guilty pleasure?

Sleeping in. I love to sleep and I am so blessed to have a baby that sleeps until 10:30 every day!

4. would you ever vacation alone?

No, I wouldn't. I think it's too dangerous! Plus I would be bored with no one to share the sights with.

5. democrat, republican, or independent..or maybe even green party (whatever that is)?

I don't really affiliate myself with a party. But I tend to agree more with Republicans than the others.

Thankful on a Thursday

2010-07-29T15:31:00.006-05:00

This is my first time participating in Thankful on a Thursday. I'm excited about it.

My friend and I were talking yesterday about how it's so easy for us to complain. But really, what do we have to complain about? We're SO blessed!

So here are a few things I am so thankful for today

1. I am thankful for our health. It is such a blessing to have a healthy family. Some people have babies who are fighting for their life. I have no right to complain about small things like a fussy teething baby when they would give anything for theirs to just be a fussy teething baby.

2. I am thankful for a wonderful husband who has put up with my shenanigans for the last 3 years. A husband who is also a wonderful daddy and loves his little girl so much. A daddy who doesn't mind "daddy-duty" and taking care of little V while mommy goes to Bible Study once a week.

3. I am thankful for this weekly Bible Study and a wonderful group of women and sisters in Christ to share it with. I did not know any of these women before this study. I went with my neighbor friend who goes to church with these ladies. I have made some wonderful friendships and I look forward to fellowshiping with these ladies with which I have so much in common. It's wonderful mommy-time and a great opportunity for life discussion with other moms and women just like me. Thank you, God for giving me this night each week that I so desperately needed!

Three Years In Pictures

2010-07-28T06:00:00.001-05:00

July 28, 2007 at 2:00pm, I became Mrs. "W."

Three years ago we began the journey of our life together.

Our Wedding Day:

Our dogs were our life (Late 07/Early 08):

We started building our house (August 08):

We went on vacation (September 08):

We got pregnant (October 08):

Then we said hello & goodbye (February 09):

We got pregnant again (April 09):

Moved into our house (July 09 - it looks quite a bit different in here now):

Welcomed our baby girl (December 09):

And here we are now (July 10):

We have done a lot in three years. We've shared lots of smiles and shed lots of tears. We've been through the deepest of valleys and on the highest of mountains. This is still only the beginning of our journey.

When I think about how much has happened in such a short amount of time, it feels like it's been an eternity. Then again, it doesn't seem like it's been so long since we were saying our vows. All in all, we've had a wonderful, albeit busy, 3 years. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Here's to many more wonderful years!

Sleepless Seven

2010-07-27T10:08:00.002-05:00

We are currently going through a phase that I truly hope ends ~~quickly~~ NOW. V has started waking up at around 9pm screaming. I give her a bottle but she only drinks an ounce or two. Last night she didn't want to go back to sleep and stayed up until 10:45 or so.

Then she wakes again around 4 am. She's not hungry, she's not cold, she's not dirty. I go in her room, offer her a bottle. I put her back in the crib and she screams.

All I can figure is she's hitting a new milestone or getting a new tooth. It's so frustrating and man, I'm tired! She's been sleeping through the night for a month and a half now and I've totally gotten used to it!

V has also only been taking about 18 ounces of formula a day. In portions of around 2-4 ounces each. UGH! Maybe it is a new tooth and it hurts her to drink.

Okay, V, Mommy would like us to get back to regularly scheduled life. Kthanks.

A Scary Thought

2010-07-26T12:36:00.002-05:00

You know what scares me?

The topic that strikes fear into every fiber of my being?

A thought that makes my head spin and my stomach knot up?

Having another baby.

I am not ready by any means. I'm sure this is normal at this point, considering V is only 7 months old - but unlike other moms, I can't even think about the possibility of future children without getting a little panicky.

The thought of pregnancy, recovery, the first two months of baby's life, forcing V to share my love, adoration, and attention (that one makes my want to cry - I do NOT want to share / her to have to share me with another child).

I know M would like a son one day, wouldn't all men? But I have told him it is a topic we will have to broach at a much much much later time. And even then, I don't see myself being ready. I am totally, completely fine with V being the only child.

Completely - I feel complete. V completes me, she fills up my heart and I just know - you know? - that I'm full to overflowing and I don't need anything else in life.

Friday Five

2010-07-23T21:41:00.002-05:00

I'm doing my Friday Five a little bit late here - we've been traipsing all around Texas (ok not reeeally) buying Craigslist items all day. So we're just settling down for the evening.

So I guess it goes like this (since I've never done one of these before): I make a list of five things I want (or is it need?).

Ok, here goes.

1. A Macbook
I need a new computer. My current one is a cheap Compaq and it's really not held up. Ideally, I'd get a Macbook. But that might or might not happen. If I get a new computer anytime soon it will more than likely not be a Macbook.

2. A Jeep Liberty Limited All Terrain Stroller
I actually just got one of these today from someone on Craigslist (1 of 3 items we got today). But it's not the right one. It's an older model and really not all that nice. I'll use it until September when I go to this huge children's sale, then I'll sell this one and buy the one I really want at the sale. It's so huge, there's almost a guarantee they'll have exactly the one I want.

3. Leather Sofa
We have a pretty decent living room set right now. But it was also kind of one of those "What was I thinking?" moments. Our sofa and loveseat are red. There really is nothing wrong with them other than one might get sick of looking at red furniture after 3 years. I mean, it's not a little bit of red. It's a LOT of red. So one of our wants is to eventually get a nice leather sofa and a matching chair/ottoman. A chair and ottoman would fit so much better with the way our living room is laid out. A loveseat just doesn't offer us many rearranging options.

4. A new kitchen table
This really should be at the top of my list because it really is the most urgent. Our table is bad. It's an antique, it's wood is peeling. I can't even describe the horror. It's so ugly. I don't have a picture to go with this one because I don't really know what I want yet. We have six beautiful leather chairs, so I need to find something that matches the wood legs of the chairs.

5. A Money Tree
Ok, so this one is unrealistic. But without it I'm not getting all the other stuff above. Oh wouldn't it be nice...

Quality or Quantity?

2010-07-19T13:47:00.002-05:00

Which do you prefer when reading a blog?

I know quality seems like the logical answer. But what I've grasped from reading message boards, it seems like some people only read blogs that have a new post every single day.

I obviously don't post on my blog every day. Sometimes it's good if I post twice a week. But I really try to post several times a week. For me, though, I have trouble thinking of good things to write about and an even harder time articulating the words to a post.

So I sit, wondering if people don't read my blog because of lack of a daily post, even though my more infrequent posts are of a better quality?

I am posting a poll on the sidebar - please vote and tell me what you think. Thanks.

Silly Seven

2010-07-17T20:09:00.004-05:00

This girl...the one who has my heart. This girl...the one who means more to me than I can ever express in words. The one whom I would do anything in the world for...is seven months old! And she's just as silly as ever.

Some milestones we've hit lately include
- Pivoting and scooting all over the floor
- Two teeth (you can see them in one of the pics above)
- Getting up on hands and knees and pushing herself backwards, but not yet crawling forward.
- Eating more and more solid foods and even some table foods
- She was 13 lbs 14 oz and 26 1/4" long at her appointment this week

Friday evening M lowered the crib mattress. V has been rolling over in her crib sometimes, which she had never done before. It made me nervous, especially with her trying to crawl. I was afraid I'd walk in any moment and she'd be standing in her crib, in the perfect position to flip right out.

It's kind of sad having her in a "big girl" bed. Next on the to-do list is making some rail covers so she doesn't chew the rails up like a beaver.

Happy 7th Monthday, Bibby-Ann. Mommy loves you! And do you think you can make this next month go a bit slower? 8 months is way too close to 1, mommythinks.

The TuTu Tutorial

2010-07-14T23:08:00.002-05:00

Say THAT three times fast.

So I said I was going to do a tutorial to show how to make an easy-peasy tutu. Here it is:

Materials You Will Need:
Six yards of Tulle (for a really full tutu) or 4 yards for a thinner one. After making a couple of these, I highly recommend tulle on a spool. You can get it at craft or fabric stores.
Half inch (for baby) or one inch (toddler) elastic
Scissors.
Needle & thread (I've actually seen a tutorial that used staples to secure the elastic. I've tried this and it will work if you don't feel comfortable sewing).

Step 1.
Put the elastic around child's waist and cut where the elastic just meets. Overlap elastic a couple of inches. Staple or sew by hand.

Step 2.
Cut your tulle. You don't have to have a cutting mat or rotary blade, but it does make cutting the tulle easier. Decide how long you want your tutu and cut the tulle double that. I wanted my tutu to be 7" long finished, so I cut them in 14" strips. Then you'll need to cut the width. I cut mine 5" wide.

Step 3.
Slip the elastic band over your leg like a garter. Slide the tulle under the elastic and to the center. Tie the tulle in a knot at the bottom of the elastic. Continue around until your tutu is full!

In My Bag

2010-07-10T14:52:00.002-05:00

This is my post for the blog hop "What's In Your Bag?" If you'd like to join, go ahead and link up at the bottom of this post. :)

The Bag: A Coach diaper bag. It's dimensions are 15"x12"x5" and it's not big enough, in my opinion. I am about to make, yes I said make, a new diaper bag. Stay tuned to my blog to see the project as it comes along and finally the finished product.

Inside The Bag:

The Contents:

Clockwise from top: Small can of Similac Soy formula (I usually use a small dispenser but I use this can when we go somewhere for the day), a couple of bottles with water, a sun hat, changing pad, ziploc bag for dirty clothes, burp cloth (usually more than one + a bib or two), diapers, wipes, an emergency paci (in case we forget one, but she doesn't even take a paci anymore), nail clippers, plastic keys, links, paci wipes, my keys, small wallet, sunglasses, and sophie.

But Since It's Not All Puppies & Rainbows

2010-07-08T13:02:00.002-05:00

When I went back and re-read my last post, I Wouldn't Change A Thing, I thought "Wow, I made life sound like Happy-Wonderful-Puppies-Rainbows-And-Glitter-Kisses." Ok..so my life is really wonderful. And no, I don't want to change anything.

But that's the problem.

You see, we're in a financial bind right now. Changes need to, and will, come soon. When we started building our house, I had a job. When I lost my job while I was sick, I drew unemployment for a while and that continued to allow us to afford the house. Since then though, M's business has gone under which has piled lots and lots of debt on us. And I'm no longer drawing unemployment.

We thought M was going to get a new position at work - one that would really help us out financially. But the Powers The Be didn't really want it to happen that way. We're still hoping M can talk to the Head Honcho and get something worked out in his favor. That would be the best case scenario and cause the least amount of changes to take place.

Worst case scenario is that I'll have to go back to work. I know moms do it all the time. But neither M nor I see it as a good option for us at all. We both want me to stay home with Vivian and we'd rather find a babysitting job for me than put V in daycare.

Middle-of-the-road scenario, the one which is neither the worst nor the most ideal, is having to sell the house. If this happens, we will likely move right back to ~~hell~~ the old house. The old house is a 1981 mobile home. We own it outright and we're trying to use it as rental property (trying because we haven't actually found a renter yet). The old house stays about 58*F in the winter and about 108*F in the summer. It's plumbing bursts on a regular basis, leaving us with flooded rooms or insanely high water bills. I guess it's not the worst place to live, it's a roof, and a lot more than some people have. But I feel like I served my time there and I don't ever want to go back. But, if it came to moving back there or leaving Vivian to go to work, I'd take the old house in an instant.

That is why I don't want my life with change. I love everything about right now. Right this minute, everything is perfect. Right this minute is where I want to stay forever.

I Wouldn't Change A Thing

2010-07-08T08:00:00.002-05:00

I remember as a child I would frequently become discontent with the things I had. I always wanted a dog, but we could not own a dog where we lived. So I substituted a dog with other pets that never really filled the void.

As I got older I filled that void with other things - shopping, boys, friends. Nothing ever really satisfied.

After I got married I filled my time obsessing over moving back to Louisiana, obsessing over my dogs, obsessing over a new house, new furniture, etc.

But now? Now I'm full. I am full of my relationship with God, love for my husband, a beautiful home, two wonderful dogs, and most of all - full of the blessing of being a SAHM to my amazing baby girl.

For the first time in my life I am content with things just as they are. So what would I change about my life, you ask?

Absolutely nothing.

{Not} Wordless Wednesday: Little Sparkler

2010-07-07T08:00:00.003-05:00

I made the tutu. It was the first one I ever made. I knotted the ends at first, and that is how it is in these pictures. I then decided I didn't like the knots so I cut them off. The tutu looks so much better now. We are taking family pics at a studio next Saturday and we'll have some pics done of her in the tutu.

a growing kind of week

2010-07-06T15:53:00.004-05:00

Vivian must have be having a growth spurt this week. She has been eating much more than usual - about 28-30 ounces of formula a day. She got her second tooth. And today she has slept.

Slept and slept and slept. She slept all night last night, got up late (8:00 am) and went right back to bed after her bottle at 8:15. She didn't get up until 1:15 pm!! I got worried and even went and checked to see if she was breathing.

Finally she got up around 1:30. She drank a bottle and we played. I thought she would be up a long time due to her crazy long morning sleep (I don't even think you can call it a nap). But 1 hour later, at 2:30, she was ready for another nap! She's now been sleeping for an hour and a half! I won't be surprised if she's grown 2 inches this week.

I have no updates on the 4th. Ours was pretty uneventful. We went to church and stayed after for some fellowship. But we got tired and decided to head home for a nap. M and I, and even V (for if she hadn't napped long, neither could we) slept a looong time. It was great! I didn't even take a picture of V on the 4th! I am so bad about that (she doesn't have any Easter or Mother's Day pics either). But I do have some pics of her in her tutu a couple of days before. I'll wait and share them tomorrow for "Wordless Wednesday"

Also, please excuse the mess my blog seems to be in right now. I have no idea why my sidebars are at the bottom of my homepage (they are where they should be on other pages). I have not done anything differently, so hopefully it's just a glitch that blogger will get worked out soon.

Beauty From Pain - My Story Of Hope Regained

2010-07-05T12:52:00.004-05:00

There was a time, not too long ago, that I had no hope. When I buried my son on February 10th, 2009, I buried a huge piece of myself with him. For the months afterward, my pain and hopelessness were indescribable. I kept a blog so I could write about my feelings. It helped tremendously. I met lots of other "dead baby mamas" (as we called ourselves) who kept blogs as well. And I think we all found a little bit of comfort in one another. And maybe a little speck of hope too.

This is an entry from my blog titled "Dying of A Broken Heart" and it was written on March 31, 2009.

"I don't think I am necessarily dying, but I am sure in a lot of pain. I find that when I think about Dylan, it's hard to breathe. I feel a heaviness come over me. I wonder if there really is a knife cutting a hole in my heart. One that is too big to ever fill."

I did not know if I could ever love another baby. I didn't know how I could ever resume life as usual. I felt hopeless in every sense of the word. I slept all day and was awake all night. At night, when I was alone with only my sorrow to accompany me, I sobbed and I blogged. I did not understand why I had to live when my child had to die.

But as the months passed and I was expecting a new baby I knew I had to regain hope. I had to be strong and belive that things would be okay this time. This song just describes things perfectly.

Beauty From Pain by Superchick
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like i'm slipping away
After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can't understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn
After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Every part is true. I found hope again. And God certainly did bring beauty from pain:

Wordless Wednesday: Giraffe Baby & 100th post

2010-06-30T17:30:00.001-05:00

This is my 100th blog post!!

Now onto the wordless part.

Dear Alice

2010-06-28T16:56:00.002-05:00

Dear 12 Year Old Alice,

Please, please dress a bit better. Knit shorts and baggy T-shirts are not cute. You look like a slob. One day, you will have a 12 year old niece that dresses like a slob. She will remind you of yourself and you will slap your forehead and say "WHAT was I thinking?!?!" Luckily both you and your niece "got it" around 13 and stopped dressing so terribly.

Love,
Your Older Self

-------------------

Dear 17 Year Old Alice,

That boy is toxic! He is more than likely mentally ill. You are NOT going to marry him at 18 like you think you are. Hurricane Rita will come, and during evacuation you will lose touch with him forever. It is the best thing for you. That hurricane is your deliverance from him.

Love,
Your Older Self

--------------------

Dear 19 Year Old Alice,

You're getting married! It's exciting. God sent you an amazing man. You move 5 hours away from family and the only home you've ever known. You will be lonely at first. You'll wonder if you did the right thing. You'll feel like you want nothing more than to take your new husband and flee far far from Texas, and back home to Mommy. But I promise, though it lasts a little while, the lonliness fades. You get a great job, you make friends, and you learn to love the life you're making here.

Love,
Your Older Self

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Dear 20 & 21 Year Old Alice,

These are two very busy ages for you. My, how your life will change. You have no idea the loops and turns you are about to encounter. Hold on tight..very tight..because it is a hard, bumpy ride.

In August you and your husband will begin the journey of building your very own house! That journey will take 11 months to complete. Why so long? Because there are lots of speed bumps along the way.

In October, you will find out you are pregnant. How exciting! Everything is going great! Great job, new house in the works, and a baby!!! The American Dream! But then you become very sick with the pregnancy. You will be so sick you cannot work. You lose your job in January and then...

One February morning starts out perfect. They're pouring the driveway at your new house! Then you are going to find out if the baby is a boy or girl! But then everything takes a turn. Your life is dumped upside down. You're thrown for 9,859 loops at in a matter of minutes. The doctor tells you your baby is dead.

DEAD.

"But wait, that isn't the way it was supposed to happen! That isn't the next page in my perfect fairy tale!"

You have to go to the hospital for the first time in your life, and at 20 years old, give birth to a dead baby. You have a beautiful little boy. You name him Dylan Thomas. There is a funeral for him, and a beautiful headstone. Your life feels torn apart. You wish you were dead. You have no reason to live and you can't get out of bed anymore.

But then in April you find out you are pregnant again. I know you're terrified. But it's okay. Because at the end of this road you are blessed with an amazing, perfect baby girl. You heal. You have a reason to live again. You actually become...happy Your heart is full again. There is a gap...there will always be a gap. This is the happiest time of your life - and you love it

Love,
Your [not much older] Self

Six Word Saturday

2010-06-26T11:26:00.002-05:00

So with this, I am supposed to describe my life in six words. Today, there is actually a pretty fitting phrase.

Not ready to leave my baby.

Our church is having a couple's outing at the lake this evening. We signed up to go, made plans with M's mom to watch V, but we've decided we're not going.

There are a couple of reasons - it will be really really hot. I hate the heat and can't think of one good reason to be out in it on purpose. There will also be mosquitos. Lots and lots of them and I haaaaaaate bug spray. I hate the way it feels on my skin and I'd rather get bit than wear bug spray. But then I don't really want to get bit either, so I just don't go outside. I'm perfectly fine with that.

But the #1, main reason I don't want to go is I am not ready to leave my baby. And you know what? It's okay. I'm her mama. Too soon, she will be a big girl, and then a teenager, and she won't "want" mama anymore. I do not "have" to leave my baby anywhere, and I don't want to, so I'm not going to. It just means we'll have to spend time together as a family, and that is the best thing anyway!

Wordless Wednesday: Finger Painting With Prunes

2010-06-24T00:00:00.002-05:00

I just happen to be posting my Wordless Wednesday at 12:02 AM, so it's technically Thursday. But since I'm still up, it's still Wednesday to me. So it counts, right?

Splash Time

2010-06-22T22:56:00.001-05:00

Today V and I had a playdate with our friends S and her baby N. I brought over V's little pool and they played in it for quite a while. When it got too hot out, we finished our playdate inside over some yummy pound cake and tea.

V and N swimming

Tuesday Tornado Blog Hop!

2010-06-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

Getting To Know You

2010-06-21T22:50:00.003-05:00

1. While at the beach, pool, etc..Do you cover up your assets or show them off? No way! I cover up. I used to wear a regular bikini top with a short skirted bottom. But this year, you know, because of the post-baby body, I got a one-piece skirted halter suit. Oh yes...I did. The Mom Suit.

2. Road trips or Plane trips? Both! I love to travel. And planes are super cool.

3. I can't stand it when...? There are lots and lots of things I can't stand. But the one that comes to mind right now is how people would always doubt me while I was pregnant. When I told anyone that I would cloth diaper or breastfeed (ok, that one didn't last, but still) or whatever, and they would say "Yeah..THAT won't last long!" Well folks, I'm still cloth diapering, so there!

4. Have you ever gone topless at the beach? No!

5. How many blog carnivals do you do a week? 1 or 2. Look for the Tuesday Tornado blog hop. Here. Tomorrow. Be there! :)

6. My favorite thing about the weekend is...? That my hubby is home! I love spending the weekends with him.

7. Pancakes or waffles? Waffles. But I craved pancakes at 1 AM while I was pregnant.

8. Water Park or Amusement Park? Man, I love them both. But during the summer, when it's scorching hot (this is Texas after all), the water park wins.

Weekend Recap

2010-06-20T22:32:00.002-05:00

I hope all the dads out there had a great Father's Day!

Our weekend went like this:

Saturday I'll start by saying that I got a wild hair to try V on some regular mild-based formula (she's on soy and has been since 2.5 months) to see if we could switch back. We had two unopened cans in the pantry from before, so I thought "why not." So I mixed the milk formula in her first two bottles of the day. When I went in to get her up from her nap, she had vomited all over herself and her crib. She the vomited 3 more times while I was changing her sheets (after I gave her a bath). She seemed fine otherwise, so we went on about our day.

M, V, and I took a little outing to a World of Wildlife Museum. It was really neat and we enjoyed it. V took a couple of bottles of soy formula and did just fine.

At the museum. Under the giraffe, of course. And though you can't see it, V has a giraffe on her dress AND on her bib.

V "riding" a baby Rhino

We got home around 7 and M and I played with V for a few minutes before I put her to bed. While she was laying on M's chest she made an "urch" sound and barfed ALL OVER HIM. How's that for a "Happy Early Father's Day?!" Poor girl was exhausted and she slept from about 7:30pm to 6:30am without waking up.

Sunday V felt much better today. She didn't throw up at all. I gave M his Father's Day present that V and I made last week.

I had them printed as 4x6's and put them in a 3 photo frame. M LOVED it. Don't say I told you, but he cried a little.

Later, we went and visited M's dad for a little while before heading to church. Our church is an almost hour drive from our house. We rarely go to evening service because it puts V getting to bed really really late and she's usually a monster by then. So anyway, since we didn't make it to church this morning, we decided to go tonight. 1) On the way there I discovered that V HAS A TOOTH! A real tooth that isn't going to disappear! It's the opposite tooth to the one that went away (which now that this one has arrived, that other one wasn't so big and great after all. I don't know what the deal with that was.) 2) We got to church only to discover an empty parking lot - they had canceled church tonight, I guess for Father's Day. So instead we grabbed a bite to eat and headed home.

Despite the rocky start, our weekend was fun. We got to spend a lot of time together as a family (something we don't do enough of). And I'm pretty sure M had a very happy Father's Day.

Happy Half Birthday

2010-06-18T12:20:00.003-05:00

Yesterday V turned 6 months old. It's so bittersweet to me. It's so exciting to watch her grow and learn and discover. But at the same time it makes me want to cry and yell "WHERE'S THE PAUSE BUTTON, ALREADY?!?!" I probably say this every month but it seems like just last week we were here

And now we are here

She is growing into such a wonderful little girl. Every day I fall more and more in love with her. She's so beautiful and I am just amazed by her every breath, her every move. This little person definitely has me captivated. And while I would love for her to slow down just a little, I can't wait to see what she'll do next and all the exciting things that are in our future.

Ballet Was Not My Forte

2010-06-17T13:29:00.002-05:00

Growing up I was never "in" anything. I didn't take dance, I didn't play sports. For a short time, when I was 6, I was in gymnastics. But I hated it so my mom let me quit.

When I was 17 I helped work the backstage of a Ballet. I decided right then and there that I wanted to be a ballerina. So off I went to the Ballet school. The director of the school said I had the right body for a dancer. I was tall and lean and limber. So I jumped in to the classes with determination.

It was a little embarassing, you know, being 17 and just beginning ballet in a class of other 17 year olds who've been dancing since they were 2. Seriously. They were so graceful, like swans they glided across the floor on their toes.

Not me. I could do all the stretches and exercises, but when it came down to the jumps and turns (pirouettes?), I just wasn't cut out for it. I would trip over my feet and fall over during the spins. And I never could keep up learning the routines.

A few weeks in the regular classes came to a close and the summer session began. There were two classes - Beginner and Advanced. Obviously, I was a beginner, so this was the class I was sent to.

I walked in the first day of summer session and was met by the stares of four and a half foot tall 8 year olds. Yes. I was in the kiddie class. But even then, I was so far behind these girls it wasn't even funny. These little tots were running around the room in their pointe shoes, on their tip toes, like they were born doing it. I thought this was the beginner class?!

That first day was also my last day. Nothing is a blow to your 17 year old ego like "You can't even dance with the 8 year olds." Sadly, I decided dancing for the New York Ballet probably wasn't in my future and I hung up my dancing slippers. Maybe one day Vivian will want to take Ballet - but I don't think I'll let her wait until she's 17.

From the promt:
"How long until you realized you had no talent or patience for this?"

One Pair of Shoes

2010-06-17T08:00:00.003-05:00

When I was a kid, I always found a pair of shoes that I loved, broke them in, and wore them until I couldn't wear them any longer. Then I would repeat with another pair. I am still like this to this day.

I have plenty of shoes, don't get me wrong. I went through a phase as a teenager where looks were more important than comfort, and I wore all of my shoes whether it was torture to my feet or not. I also wore most of my shoes when I worked in an office. I dressed up every day and I had a variety of shoes that I wore. It didn't matter if they were uncomfortable, because I could take them off behind my desk.

But even then, when I wasn't at work, I had the one pair of shoes that I wore the soles off of. Since I got pregnant and had V, I've been all about comfort. My closet is still full of shoes that long to be worn, yet I wear the same pair of shoes day in, and day out.

My current pair of shoes is a cute pair of Michele D flip flops. They're dressier than most flip flops, which is why I like them. They're a pewter color with a silver buckle on top. And they are SO comfortable. Unfortunately, I've worn them so much (ok, I even go for long walks in them) that the leather is peeling off the front edge. I don't like to wear scraggly shoes, so they must be retired soon. I will have to go on a hunt for another perfect pair of shoes.

Wish me luck.

Intense Debate

2010-06-17T00:05:00.002-05:00

After I saw Alysha's (from The Tarr Pit post about Intense Debate, I had to install it on my blog too! I really like how I can reply to the comments on my blog now.

So go ahead..leave me some comment love so I can reply to you! :o)

Guest Blogger: MommyBurgh!

2010-06-16T12:50:00.003-05:00

Today I am having my very first guest blogger; the wonderful MommyBurgh. E and I met on a mommy message board, our girls are about a month apart. And we started blogging around the same time. I felt a connection to E and I started reading all her posts on the board and then on her blog. Sound a little stalker-ish? Maybe. But I think E and I are a lot alike. As women and as new moms. I really agree with a lot she says. She's a great mommy to a beautiful little girl (who's cheeks are out-of-this-world adorable!). So, give it up for: MommyBurgh!

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As a younger sibling I always craved attention. I had an older brother who was bigger, stronger, and better at most things than I was, so I had to come up with ways to be noticed. So I was always the loudest one in the room, the girl with the best clothes, or the leader of the group.

I am fairly certain that this is the reason why most people had a hard time getting along with me. My friends generally were the kids who didn’t mind taking a back seat to my antics, or didn’t care that I constantly bossed them around.

This eventually changed a bit as an adult, and I learned how to share the spotlight, or enjoy just hanging out in the back of the class. But I always had these tendencies to want to get noticed. So for a long time I had an obsession with shoes. I had to be the girl in the bar who had on the best shoes. I wanted people to compliment me, and I wanted them to see that I was capable of putting an outfit together around a fabulous pair of heels. Also, I constantly wore heels. I had so many that I had no choice but to wear them all the time. I got so used to it that I wore them everywhere and hated the look of my feet in a pair of sneakers. Thus, I never went to the gym.

Fast forward to about a year ago. A whole new accessory was opened up to me, one that I never really thought of before…. the baby belly. As a mommy we all had one. We pretended to hate it, but secretly loved the power behind the belly.

Early on I fought against it. I hid it behind shirts that were very baggy, and squeezed it into my regular jeans. It was summer so I wanted to still wear my cute things and refused to buy maternity clothes. In my mind, maternity clothes were ugly and huge. And that waist band? No way! And what was up with my feet? Why were they an entire size bigger? Gone were my days of wearing all those gorgeous heels. They sat in the shoe organizer in my closet, way back in the darkest corner. I mourned for them.

However, nature took it course and I was forced to stop denying that fact that I had a belly growing under my oversized tank top. I began showing off the belly and a wonderful thing happened, I got smiles again from strangers, and better yet, compliments!

Finally, something new for me to show off! And this thing would only get bigger! So I went from moping about my expanding waist line to finally getting around to buying those maternity clothes. I also wore my regular t-shirts and dresses often, because they obviously showed off my stomach the most!

I loved every moment of being pregnant and getting attention from strangers. “When are you due?” “How are you feeling?” “Would you like my seat?” “Is it a boy or girl?” I loved all of the random and annoying questions that normally bothered other pregnant women. I welcomed the “I heard walking induces labor” comments, or my favorite “You don’t get an award in the delivery room for going natural, get the epidural!” As long as your opinion didn’t intentionally hurt me, then bring it on, because I loved hearing it. I worked retail at the time so I enjoyed it even more. All of the older women would take it upon themselves to touch my belly without permission, but I never said a word. Secretly I loved that they were so interested that they felt the need to reach out and touch my belly. I pretended like I was very bothered, but giggled on the inside about how amazing it was that something this natural, and happened every day, was so interesting to everyone.

The final weeks were the best. I was so huge and looked so pathetic walking the mall for the 50000000th time. All of the mall workers knew who I was, and would ask me when the baby was going to pop out. After my due date came and went they would look at me in horror when I would say, “Our due date was on Tuesday.” But again, I secretly loved it all.

The day I went into labor I was such a mix of emotions. After settling into our labor and delivery room I immediately asked for my Blackberry and updated every status possible saying that I was going to be giving birth soon. I smiled as I thought of all the comments I would be getting. Again, normal people don’t think this way, but a regular attention seeker such as myself? Craved it like chocolate!

After having Kirsten there was about 3 weeks where I still got tons of attention, thanks to the birth of the cutest baby girl on the planet (next to Vivian of course ::wink wink::) I got so many phone calls that I am sure the phone company thought something was wrong… I am a straight text messaging kind of gal, so phone calls are very out of the ordinary. We got so many flowers and cards that I spent weeks writing thank-you notes to everyone. It is truly amazing how many people go crazy over a baby being born!

I love taking Kirsten out with me. I walk proudly through the mall or store and don’t mind when people stop to admire the baby. Especially when she was very small, people go ga-ga over a newborn. Something about a person being a whole 19 inches long is amazing.

So lets calculate this for a moment. I was pregnant for 9 months, and Kirsten basically never left my side for about 5 months (I recently went back to work)… that is over a year of carrying her around with me. That is a year of having the best accessory literally attached to my body. I got so used to the comments from the belly to the baby that I really forgot what life was like only getting them about my shoes! When someone would comment on something other than my belly or baby I would take a few seconds to recognize what they were saying. No one prepared me for what would happen when I went out in public WITHOUT my accessories….

I remember the first time I went to the mall without the baby. I was able to carry my regular purse, which was strange. No formula, bottles, wipes, diapers, an extra outfit just in case… only my purse with a wallet, some lip gloss, and a cell phone. Strange. I felt almost naked!
I walked through the mall without a baby put push in a stroller or carry in the Baby Bjorn. Again, I felt as though I was missing something. No baby to console because she was tired of shopping or hungry. No need to rush through a store because she was getting fussy, grabbing sizes that I was merely guessing I was because I had no time to try anything on. Nope, just me.

More shockingly, I could get through the mall almost undetected. I could take my time, squeeze between racks, and stop for that frozen coffee I adore (one bad thing was not having the cup holder for the coffee). For the first time in over a year I was normal again. No belly and no baby, I was like everyone else. I was thrust back into the real world and it was a little unsettling. No stares, no labels. I was a regular shopper.

I think this is apart of motherhood that I was unprepared for… the part that happens when you have to go back to living. For an entire year I was the center of attention. And as you read above, I loved it all. I carried this belly with me for 9 months, and listened to all the advice and compliments. Then the baby came, and I had something more physical to show off on our outings. The days after the hospital so many people wanted to be helpful and come over just to visit. And now we are expected to just forget about all of that and be a regular family… like all of the other families in the mall or at the park.

I am getting used to it, just being “mom.” It makes me think of my own mother and wonder if she went through this. All of the attention is turned to her kids and what we are doing, and no one seems to ever stop to ask “and how are you doing today?” We forget about the moms, and what they must be going through adjusting to this new life.

The Amazing Disappearing Tooth

2010-06-15T16:34:00.002-05:00

It was about a month and a half ago when V started teething heavily. I could feel a little bump on her bottom gums and I knew when she was cranky for two days straight, that the tooth would be here soon.

By the end of that week, the little tooth arrived. I mean..it wasn't big or anything, and no one even believed me (ahem, husband.) But I swear to you that tooth was there. I could feel it, a little hole in the gums that contained a tiny, hard, white dot.

Then, a few weeks later, V's gums were smooth again. The tooth disappeared! I felt silly because I told everyone she had her first tooth and then the little buggar went away.

So now, V is showing signs of teething again. Crankiness that is only soothed by teething tablets or a swim in the pool or tub and not wanting to eat as much. Maybe the elusive tooth will once again appear. We'll see.

Tuesday Tornado Blog Hop

2010-06-15T10:48:00.003-05:00

Monday Minute

2010-06-14T20:41:00.006-05:00

1 - What's the specs of the first computer you owned?

It was a Hewlett Packard Pavillion - circa 1999. My favorite games included Oregon Trail (which ran realllly slow and almost always ended in a computer freeze) and Dogz.

2 - Are you on Twitter/Facebook/etc? If so link it/them up.

Twitter

3 - Who's more to blame for the oil mess in the gulf - BP or the Gov't and why?

I honestly don't keep up with it. I don't even know what BP is. blush.

4 - What's your favorite Dr. Suess book?

In A People House

5 - What did you want to be when you grew up?

A Veterinarian. I've always been passionate about animals. But as I got older I realized I was less than passionate about going to college and so 8 years of school wasn't going to happen.

Uncommonly Cute Winner!

2010-06-12T12:35:00.002-05:00

Thank you to all who entered this giveaway!

And the winner is....

29. T.J. said...
I'd get the I Scream Ice Cream onesie. Thanks!
thevanandthecart AT gmail D0T com

Congratulations, T.J.!

Before I was a mom…

2010-06-10T23:45:00.002-05:00

Before I was a mom...

I could sleep all day.
I could jump in the car to run to the store after 7 pm.
I was selfish.
I shopped for myself.
I was bored.
I didn't truly know love.
I was a hollow shell of a being just searching for her purpose in life...

Then Miss V was born and I knew exactly what I was put here to do. Be.Her.Mommy.

And I love every single minute of it.

How I Trained My Baby: Part 2

2010-06-10T13:02:00.002-05:00

If you missed Part 1, start here.

Saved.My.Sanity. Seriously. Every new parent should read this book. The book just made sense. The 4th Trimester, as Karp calls it, is months 0-3 where the baby really isn't ready for the outside world yet, so we need to meet their needs by creating a "womb on the outside" so to speak.

I immediately started incorporating Karp's 5 S's. Taken from Wikipedia:

The technique is designed to recreate the essential elements of the experience of living in the womb. Human babies, according to Karp, are born less-developed than other mammals. The first three months of life Karp calls the "fourth trimester". Karp believes there is a "calming reflex" that causes babies to instantly relax when they are given clues that they are safe inside the womb. There are five parts of the technique he calls the "five S's".

-Swaddling: Tight swaddling recreates the confinement of the womb.
-Side/Stomach position: Holding the baby on the right side slightly face down.
-Shushing: Karp uses a loud "ssh" sound similar to the loud white noise that is present in the womb. pacifiers.
-Swinging (and jiggling): Gentle but constant jiggling (especially of the head) is intended to remind babies of the constant motion they experienced in the womb.
-Sucking: Karp also recommends the use of pacifiers.

I also moved V into her crib in her own room at this time. She was 5 weeks old. It wasn't magic, but Karp's method definitely helped in calming her down and getting her to sleep. Babies this young aren't ready to self-soothe, but I felt like I was setting a good foundation for her to learn how to do it later on.

We used this method in full until about 2 months. At that point I decided to start putting her down awake and patting her/putting her paci back in if she fussed. We had been using a Homedics Sound Spa sound machine, on the heartbeat setting, and we continued to use this. It really seemed to help soothe her. She was also still swaddled using the Escape Proof Swaddle.

Months 3-Present:

Dr. Karp was right, at exactly 3 months old my baby "woke up." It was kind of like the end of the Fourth Trimester, as he would say.

We continued to swaddle and use the sound machine. But at this point V could go down completely awake, and after fussing (not crying) for a few short minutes, she would fall right to sleep.

De-swaddling:

When V turned 4 months, I decided it was time to break the swaddle. I knew she wouldn't go to college swaddled, but I still wanted to break the habit and get her used to sleeping without it early on. I tried a couple of nights with just her arms out of the swaddle, but she just kicked the blankets off and woke up. After that, we just went cold turkey. I put her in a sleep sack for a few weeks so she wouldn't be "too free," which I didn't know if she could handle yet.

The first few nights of de-swaddling were tougher than usual. She fussed more, but we wouldn't let her cry. One night I even had to swaddle her because she just couldn't fall asleep. I was afraid she would revert right back to having to be swaddled, but she didn't. Shortly after we broke the swaddle, we took away the sound machine. V now sleeps with no sleep aids other than a paci, 10 minutes of lullabies, and a lovie. All of which she discards after she's asleep.

Also around the 4 month mark, I started reading The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. Before then, V took one 3 hour nap a day, in her swing. I wanted her to start napping in her crib. So as soon as I started reading this book, I put V on an E.A.S.Y routine. That's Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time. Main point being, I didn't want her to learn to associate bottle=sleeping.

Immediately upon implementing this into our day, she started taking several 1 hour naps a day, in her crib. She goes about 1.5 - 2 hours between naps and eats when she wakes up, but about every 4 hours. When she would fuss at night, we would use Tracy Hogg's "pick up - put down" method. We only had to do this for maybe two nights.

These steps I have taken have really created a wonderful routine for us. We all sleep great, V has put herself to sleep from early on, and she sleeps great in her crib. Sleeping through the night will come in time, and we are currently working on eliminating the 4 am feeding. She usually sleeps through it, so I know she no longer needs it.

I highly reccommend the who methods I used, Happiest Baby On The Block and The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. Other's I have talked to who have used this combo of methods also swear by them. If you're having problems with your baby sleeping habits, I really suggest trying this out. It works and I never have to make my girl cry it out.

Good luck!

How I Trained My Baby: Part 1

2010-06-10T12:25:00.004-05:00

We all know that babies don't come knowing how to sleep - not the way we want them to, anyway. I feel very blessed to have a baby that sleeps well and has done so since she was 5 weeks old. She does not sleep through the night, but she puts herself to sleep with no crying involved, and to me that is priceless.

So I am going to tell you how I did this. Some of it might have been that I just got lucky and got a perfect baby (well, I pretty much did). But I think a lot of it has to do with the steps I took early on to help V learn to fall asleep easily.

Months 0-3:

When we first brought V home, we were of course frazzled, exhausted, overwhelmed new parents. My mom was here to help us with V and I was breastfeeding. After trying various methods of getting her to sleep without success (cradle, swing, bouncy - she hated them all), my mom took her so M and I could get some rest. But my mom needed rest too, so she ended up sleeping in the recliner with V snuggled on her chest.

It wasn't great. We still got very little sleep and I became shaky and ill-feeling because of my exhaustion. But what was worse was when my mom left and M and I were stuck with a baby who now only slept on someone's chest.

At V's two week appointment with the pediatrician, the Dr. told us to nip that in the bud quickly. She wanted us to let V cry it out - yes, at two weeks old (we have a new Pedi now). I was willing to try it because I just didn't know what else to do but M, thankfully, wouldn't do it. So we didn't.
Those first few weeks we didn't swaddle and we got a decent system of V sleeping in her cradle. But I was still miserable because ever peep she made woke me up. Feeling like I needed to do something early on, so we wouldn't be doing this for the next year, I bought the book Happiest Baby On The Block by Dr. Harvey Karp.

to be continued....

Wordless Wednesday: Ready for Summer Fun

2010-06-09T21:19:00.002-05:00

Squealing & Such

2010-06-09T00:09:00.002-05:00

First, you should watch this video - it's insanely cute.

Second, I got a wonderful deal on a Britax Roundabout 50 tonight at Target. I heard about the deal on a message board and decided to go take a look for myself tonight. We went to our local Target (which, sadly, is 45 minutes away) and found that they did indeed have the carseat in question. I called for an associate, because not only was there no price, there were no boxed R50's on the shelf. As quickly as I've ever been helped in a Target store (use those little phones on the pole!), an older man came to assist me. I showed him the carseat I wanted, he said he'd look in the back. He told me that the carseat was $199. I asked him if he was sure because I had heard that they were on clearance. He took the barcode tag off the shelf and scanned it - sure enough - it rang up $49.98. So off he went to the back to find the carseat for me. No dice - they were out. Good news though, he told us that the seat on display was not actually a display model. They had not received a display only model for that seat so they had to take one out of the box. It was perfectly fine to sell. So off I went up to the front to pay for my prize. I was so excited.

We do have a Britax Boulevard, and that is what V currently rides in. But we will soon be getting a second vehicle and I am thrilled to have an extra carseat for her. Even the cheapest seat on the market is still $50 - and it no where near compares to a Britax. I'm in love with my child's carseat! LOL

A Really Great Tutorial

2010-06-07T21:12:00.002-05:00

I came across a fabulous tutorial over on another blog that I follow. I thought I'd share it with you, since I may have some readers that don't blog or are new to the blog world.

Non-Bloggers: How To Enter Giveaways by Just My Blog. Check it out!

I Consider Myself Lucky

2010-06-05T00:16:00.002-05:00

Why? Because V has had a total of 1 diaper explosion in her whole entire almost-six-month life.

According to other moms, poosplosions seem to be a regular thing. I've heard moms reccommend bringing soap and a wash rag in the diaper bag in case you have to do a quick wash in the public restroom sink. I've heard horror stories of babies' diapers exploding all down their mommies' pants/shirt/everything. It seems quite scary to me, but something I can't really comprehend.

Vivian's only poop-out-the-diaper incident was when she was a mere 2 weeks old. I mean, I almost don't even remember it since I was still in that dazed, bleary state. It was back when I still changed her diaper in the middle of the night (now I only do that if she leaked pee or is dirty). I unwrapped her from the half-swaddle and quickly realized that there was poop inside the blanket and all over her sleep sack. It actually turned out to not be as bad as I expected. It was nothing a few wipes couldn't handle. We (yes, we - it was early enough on that M still got up and helped me with her, bless him) got her cleaned up and in dry jammies and all went back to sleep, unscathed.

So, hearing stories of giant, messy, all over the crib/floor/baby/mommy/wall/etc. poops really evades me. I just don't understand how it happens.

And now I will pray that I did not jinx myself by writing this post.

Review & Giveaway - Uncommonly Cute

2010-06-04T12:26:00.006-05:00

Is your little one a Fashionista? How about a Tuff Guy (like his daddy) or a stick horse lover?
No matter what your little one's personality, Uncommonly Cute has the shirt for them!

We received a "Famous on Facebook" onesie from Uncommonly Cute. I keep my family and friends that live far away updated on V by posting lots and lots (and lots) of pictures of her on FB. When I go to see my family out of state, people at church say "Oh I saw [insert picture, milestone, etc here] on Facebook!" That is why this shirt is so perfect for Vivian. There were a few other's that would fit her personality as well, but I felt this one was the most suitable.

The onesie is very, very soft cotton. It washed and dried well (no shrinkage that I noticed). The sizing is pretty true. I was told they run small. I got a 3-6 month for V, who is just now starting to wear 3-6 month clothes (9th percentile for weight!). The onesie is long and skinny. It fits her really well in the body, but is very long. It's a good fit for V because she's skinny, and will still have room to grow in the length. I think she'll be able to wear it for quite a while. I am very happy with the quality of this product. It is definitely not just a cheap onesie - very well made and "heavy duty!"

Uncommonly Cute is giving you the chance to win a shirt or onesie of your choice!

Mandatory entry:

Go to the Uncommonly Cute site and comment back here telling me which shirt or onesie that you'd pick. Be sure to leave your email address!

Extra entries: (not valid unless you complete the mandatory entry)

1. "Like" Uncommonly Cute on Facebook (1 entry)

2. Follow Uncommonly Cute on Twitter (1 entry)

Entries will be open until Friday, June 11, 2010 at 11:59 pm CST. A winner will be selected on June 12, 2010 using random.org. Winner will be contacted by me via email. If I don't receive a reply within 48 hours, another winner will be drawn. Giveaway is open to USA and Canada only. Good Luck!

This is a personal blog written and edited by me. I was provided with a free product from Uncommonly Cute to review. I recieved no other compensation for this review. The opinions here are my own ideas and written in my own words, except where noted.

Look what she did today!

2010-06-03T20:01:00.004-05:00

Ok..my child is hilarious. Look at those faces. V is such a goofball. But more than the faces - look at her SITTING! By herself!

She did this today while her OT was here. OT put her in the sitting position and let go...and V stayed there. Later on after the OT left I put V back in the sitting position and she sat there...and sat there...and sat there. It was probably a good 3 or so minutes before she fell over. I'm such a proud Mama! I almost cried!

Memorial Day

2010-06-01T16:55:00.004-05:00

I hope you all had a great Memorial Day weekend!

Sunday we went to church and on the way home stopped by to see Dylan at the cemetery. We haven't been in quite a while, which there is really no excuse for since the cemetery is less than half a mile from our house. We pass it every time we go anywhere. Going to visit Dylan seemed like the right thing to do on Memorial Day. Even though that's not what the day is about, I felt like I should especially remember (but really, when do I not?) him on that day.

Yesterday, M worked on his shop (he's so excited about getting a ~~manplayhouse~~ shop & he's working very diligently on it). Then we went swimming at the IL's. First though, we stopped by Wally World and got V her very first floatie!

As you can see, she was thrilled [insert sarcasm here].

It was a bit too sunny though, so even though we were all slathered in sunblock, we made the swim a short one. V much prefers to swim in the evening when the sun is low.

Finally - I want to give a big THANK YOU to all who serve or served our great Country, and to those who gave their lives so that we can be the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave!

Nellie's Dryerball Winner!!

2010-06-01T10:42:00.002-05:00

Thank you to all who entered!

Congratulations to the winner, comment number 18, Beth O.!

Beth O. said...
I "like"d on facebook! bethbsn06@hotmail.com

May 31, 2010 9:37 PM

Thursday Leaks

2010-05-28T13:04:00.002-05:00

So I've recently started going to a bible study on Thursday nights called Mom Heart. M watches V while I go, so he always puts her to bed.

Well, M doesn't really know the night diaper routine so he put her to bed in a daytime diaper.

I got home around 9:15. At 10 I told M that I was really tired and wanted to go to bed. I decided to take a bath first, before I fed V one last time. So I took my bath, got ready for bed, and fixed V a bottle.

By now she is fussing. Then my wheels started turning and it occured to me - she leaked. I picked her up and sure enough, baby and sheets were soaked. I apologized and told her that Daddy didn't know, but Mommy will clean you right up.

Of course, undressing baby, changing diaper, rummaging in the drawer for a new sleeper, putting baby in new sleeper, setting baby on the floor while I change the sheets = baby waking up. Then I had to feed her, which is what I originally went in there for.

So my plan for going to bed at 10 turned into going to bed at 12:15. I told M to please just put her in a disposeable diaper next week, so we can avoid a repeat of last night.

Wordless Wednesday: Voicing her disdain against the sippy cup

2010-05-26T23:36:00.004-05:00

Untitled from alice on Vimeo.

I adore her

2010-05-26T21:58:00.002-05:00

I am so blessed. Every morning I am met by a smile from the most gorgeous person on Earth. She wiggles and coos with delight when she sees me come into her room.

I am amazed by everything she does and every new thing she discovers.

I love her new wide, gummy grin. And that she looks at me with this grin about 100 times a day. She melts my heart.

I love nothing more than cuddling with her, kissing her round, plump cheeks.

When I lift her above my head or play peek-a-boo with her, she squeals and belly laughs. It fills my whole being with joy.

I am so glad to have V in my life. I love her more than anything. She is amazing, gorgeous, fun. She is my most favorite person, for sure.

I'm tired of being fat

2010-05-26T13:49:00.002-05:00

I need motivation. You'd think being tired of being fat would be enough motivation to get my butt off the couch and to the gym - or at least onto the EA Active for Wii.

I'm trying to eat healthier things and smaller portions. I don't snack like I used to because I just don't have time to anymore.

People tell me I look great. I don't think I do though. I feel fat. I haven't gained any weight - I still weigh exactly the same as I did two weeks post-partum. And that sucks.

I've thought about doing Weight Watchers, but I don't want to spend the money. I want to work out, but I really don't want to sweat.

What is it going to take to really get me motivated?

Nellie's Dryer Balls Review & Giveaway!

2010-05-23T20:16:00.003-05:00

Are you looking for an eco-friendly and money-saving alternative to dryer sheets? Nellie's Dryer Balls has you covered! These particular dryer balls caught my attention because they contain no chemicals.

The Nellie's Dryer Balls description on the EcoMom website says:

Nellie’s new PVC free dryerball. The unique design of the Dryerballs lift and separate fabrics while relaxing fibers. The result is less lint and wrinkles, softer clothes, more absorbent towels and a reduced drying time of up to 25% - saving you moolah! Best of all, it's toxic-free, environmentally friendly, and guaranteed to last up to 2 years. That's equivalent to a whole lotta dryer sheets.

Why We Like This
If you're going to dry your clothes in a dryer (finding the time to hang dry our clothes often escapes us, so we are dryer-friendly here), use a dryerball that cuts the amount of time those clothes circle the machine, the amount of energy expended and the number of minutes wasted!

After using the dryer balls for a couple of weeks, I am impressed. My husband was skeptical because he likes dryer sheets because of the smell. We were happy to find out when we read the instructions that All Natural Fragrance Sticks are available to put inside the dryer ball. These are sold separaely from the dryer balls, so I have not tried them. But as far as I know, other dryer balls do not offer this option.

Nellie's Dryer Balls have really cut back on the time it takes my clothes to dry. I didn't really notice until I dried Vivian's cloth diapers. I normally put them on "Very Dry" and once they're done I have to dry them another time to get completely dry. With these dryer balls, not only do I not have to dry the diapers twice, it cuts down the drying time on the first round! This is great, because it means it's saving money and electricity. As far as I know, dryer sheets don't cut down on drying time, and you can't use them on cloth diapers anyway.

Towels, Before & After

As always, EcoMom was a great company to work with. Their shipping is lightning fast.

EcoMom has a new program called EcoPass. This allows you to purchase a $99 annual membership, which provides for a 15% discount on every order, as well as free shipping with no $75 minimum requirement.

They have also provided my readers a special discount good through June 30, 2010. Just enter the code SBBL216 when you check out at EcoMom

Now, onto the giveaway to win your very own set of Nellie's Dryer Balls!

Mandatory entry:

Join EcoMom's email newsletter

Optional entries:

1. Follow EcoMom on Twitter - here

2. Become a fan of EcoMom on Facebook - here

3. Tweet this giveaway!
Enter to #win Nellie's PVC Free DryerBalls from @EcoMomCEO and @lifewithvivian #giveaway http://tinyurl.com/2dm7ggs

That's it! Leave a separate comment for each entry. Be sure to leave an email address so I can contact you if you win. Entries will be open until Monday, May 31, 2010 at 11:59 pm. I will use random.org to draw a winner on June 1. Good luck!

This is a personal blog written and edited by me. I was provided with a free product from EcoMom to review. I recieved no other compensation for this review. The opinions here are my own ideas and written in my own words, except where noted.

Feeding Frenzy

2010-05-21T18:03:00.002-05:00

I didn't get pics, unfortunately. V has super ready to eat her supper tonight. She was crying as I put her in the walker (we are at my mom's and she doesn't have a high chair) and got her food ready. When she saw she spoon she immediately launched herself forward and opened her mouth - still crying. So I shoveled the food into her mouth as fast as I could, which was not fast enough to suit her.

Since she was in such a hurry to eat, she was putting the whole spoon into her mouth and then the excess green beans would run out onto the walker tray. It was such a mess! I guess it was once the food started hitting her tummy, but she finally got in a better mood and finished her green beans - a whole stage 2 jar which is 4 ounces (I make her food but since we're 5 hours from home, and we ran out of cubes, I just bought some jars. I didn't think she'd like the jarred food, but it didn't seem to deter her one bit)

Happy 5 Months!

2010-05-19T11:20:00.003-05:00

Slow down little girl! You're growing waaaay too fast!

Some of Vivian's milestones:

-Trying to roll back to belly. She can get her top half all the way over but can't get her legs to follow. She's been rolling belly to back for about 2 months now.
-Grabbing at everything! This makes holding her in my lap while on the computer (she bangs on the keyboard) or eating (she grabs my food, drink, straw, anything. She's almost pulled my food off the table several times) very difficult. But she is SO much fun!!
-Smiling this big, funny, old man grin. I'm sure it's to show off that she has a little nubbin of a tooth down there.
-The tooth! It's barely there..but it's definitely through the skin.
-Sitting almost unassisted. Yesterday we were sitting in my mom's back yard and V was holding onto my finger with one hand - that's it! She was holding herself up completely except for my finger.

She is so smart and funny. She is a real social butterfly and flirts with everybody she sees.

Busy week!

2010-05-14T13:44:00.002-05:00

I've hardly had a chance to sit and blog, this week has been really busy!

Tuesday my best friend K came over. She lives about 3 hours away so we hardly see each other. It was such a treat! She stayed two nights and we had so much fun. K is expecting a little boy, due in September. So we had a blast going baby shopping! V was PERFECT both days! Tuesday I carried her in the Ergo and she was very content. Wednesday we went to the mall so I took the stroller and the Ergo (just in case the stroller didn't work out). V stayed in her stroller the whole time! She was happy as a clam, cooing and flirting with anyone who would look her way. She's such a little social butterfly.

Wednesday V got a Fisher Price Laugh & Learn Jumperoo. It was late when we got home and once I set it up, it was time for V to go to bed. But yesterday she tried it out several times throughout the day. It's a hit for sure! I had to put a blanket under her feet because she is a little too short still. She really loved playing with the toys and when I would grab her legs and bounce her, she would light up! She hasn't figured out how to jump by herself yet, but she still has fun playing in it. Even when she wasn't in it, she would look at it and reach for the toys.

What a big girl!

2010-05-10T15:02:00.003-05:00

Is she not just the cutest thing in the whole world? You know she is!!! ;)

Being a Mom

2010-05-07T14:25:00.003-05:00

You never fall so madly, deeply in love until you hold your new baby in your arms. It's the strongest, most amazing love on Earth.

I love being a mom more than I ever thought I would. I knew I wanted to be a mom - after high school, when people asked what I wanted to do, all I could think of and say was "I want to be a stay at home mom." Thankfully, I am able to live that dream right now. But I never knew how much I would absolutely love it.

My daughter is, honestly, my most favorite person in the world. She is amazing. She lights up my life and gives me so much joy. I've never felt so much love and happiness as when I look into her beautiful blue eyes. Oh, and when she smiles! I simply turn to pure mush.

I've always known my mom loved me. But I never realized how much until I fell in love with Vivian.

My motherhood is complicated though. Now that I'm carrying around a baby everywhere I go, people say "Ohh! It must be your first Mother's Day!" I just nod and look away.

You see, it's not my first Mother's Day. I was a mother last year too. I became a mother in February of last year to a teeny tiny little boy. I had to do what no mother should ever have to do. I had to say goodbye. I had to bury my baby. My firstborn.

A lot of a mother's love is the bond she has with her baby. I love Dylan. I loved him as soon as I met him and held his small body. I did bond with him, but it wasn't the way a mother bonds with her live baby. I had to protect myself and my heart. I couldn't become too attached in those few short hours I got to spend with him.

I cannot compare the love for my two children, just as any mother can't. I love them both more than anything. I love them differently. Just as I would now die for Vivian, at the time I would have died so Dylan could have lived.

I am a mother. I have two children. Whom I love with all of my heart.

Memories of Mom

2010-05-06T22:07:00.002-05:00

Strong. Determined. Devoted. Beautiful. Fun. Those are just a few words that describe my mom. My best friend.

I have always been a Mama's Girl. I would rarely let my mom go anywhere without me. To be honest, I didn't want her to go by herself because I was afraid she would get in a car accident and die and then I would have to live without her. And I didn't ever want to have to do that.

My mom has always worked very hard to give me the best. As an only child, I know that she did this with love and devotion to me.

When I was a teenager, I didn't like going places with friends unless my mom was close by. I never liked being far from my mom. My friends became very close to my mom as well because she's fun, hip, and easy to talk to. She was always around and ready to listen. She became like a second mom to a lot of my friends. On the flip side, some girls didn't want to be friends with me because of the bond I had with my mom. I told her everything and they didn't want me telling her their "dirt".

I never thought I'd leave home and leave behind my mom. But I did. I met M and I moved to Texas. I got married. I've lived 5 hours from my mom for 3 years now. Even though I'm very happily married, it's also like a part of me is missing with my mom so far away. I hope and pray that very soon she will be able to move to our town - something that I know is one of her goals for the near future.

One day we'll live close together again, we'll hang out and go shopping and have tons of fun. For now though, we survive the distance by chatting on Skype every night. I know she remains my biggest fan. I love my mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama

More On Our Cloth Adventure

2010-05-06T16:18:00.003-05:00

V has some new diapers and I am in LOVE with them! We got 12 Kawaii Pure & Natural diapers about 5 days ago and we've been using them all day, every day since! They're trim, easy, and SO inexpensive. I got twelve diapers with 2 inserts each for $71. You can't beat that! I've never used BumGenius, but from what I can tell and what other's have said, these really compare.

All of Kawaii's diapers are one-size. The P&N fit 0-15 months. They fit V perfectly (she weighs 12.2 as of yesterday) and I've seen pics of them on older and bigger babies with a perfect fit too!

For us, the Kawaiis didn't work at night. But, neither do disposeables. However, this system does work for us at night with no leaks! I trifold a microfiber insert inside an infant prefold. I fold down the excess and flip it over (so the fold is on the bottom and the MF won't touch V's bottom). I put the fold in the back, but if you have a boy you might want to put it in the front. For covers I use Flip and Econobums. Here is a series of pictures showing what I do for night time.

In addition to the Kawaiis (and what I used before the Kawaiis came) I really like prefitteds. My mom made these out of infant prefolds. She cut them into the shape of a diaper and added elastic to the legs. You can use the excess fabric that you cut off to make doublers. Thats what I do. These make awesome, trim, daytime diapers. I fasten them with a snappi and put a Flip cover over them.

V wearing the prefitted under a Flip cover.

Wordless Wednesday: After the Shot

2010-05-05T18:01:00.001-05:00

Getting a new Dr.

2010-05-04T21:38:00.002-05:00

Yesterday M, V, and I went to visit with the new pedi. If you didn't read my previous post, you can do so here. We liked the Dr. She is closer to our age than V's last pedi and she even has a 7.5 month old daughter.

Dr. C is open to our wanting to use an alternate vaccine schedule. Since V hasn't had her 4 month appt. yet, we are taking her tomorrow for her first "split up" shot.

Tomorrow V will only be getting the pediarix and rotavirus vaccines. Normally at 4 months, babies recieve pediarix, rotavirus, hib, and prevnar. V will be getting the latter two at 5 months.

This is what her new shot schedule looks like:

4 month (check up): pediarix, rotavirus
5 month (shot only): hib, prevnar
6 month (check up): pediarix, rotavirus
7 month (shot only): hib, prevnar
9 month (check up): no immunizations
12 month (check up): varicella
15 month (check up): DTaP, hib
18 month (check uo): HepA, prevnar
etc, etc, etc.

I'm excited that we found a schedule that we are comfortable with and a Dr. willing to appease us.

The Zoo and Batteries

2010-05-02T19:13:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, we took V to the zoo. It was really fun (for us) - and I guess she had a good time too because she didn't so much as fuss the entire time. Riding in her stroller the whole time - it's pretty incredible that she didn't get mad! It was really hot though, so maybe that's why she didn't mind. It would have been unbearable had we held her.

Yeah..I think she was having fun

With our favorite, the Giraffe. Notice we're also holding Sophie. She has sparked our Giraffe love.

Whew! What an exhausting adventure!

---------------------------------

Batteries make toys do strange things when they're dying. Last night V woke up around 1:30. I went into her room and turned on her mobile. Hmm...the mobile came on but the music didn't (you can't turn it on without having the music, one feature I don't care for). I thought that was ok, I just turned the lullabies on on her My Pal Violet. So I went back to bed. I have the monitor right next to me. In the monitor I could hear the heartbeat on her sound machine, the Violet dog's music - and then suddenly the mobile started playing it's music. It was like major sensory overload listening to all of that through that tinny little speaker. I was too tired to get up though. So I just layed there and prayed that one of them would turn off or the batteries would just go ahead and die.