I should be sleeping right now. But I've been lying in bed for about 45 minutes with way too many thoughts swirling in my head.
Tomorrow (Today actually) I am going in for my LEEP procedure (I talked a little bit about the issue
here - it's not cancer, but I have some bad cells that they want to get rid of). I'm a little nervous but I'm trying to distract myself with other things, like obsessing over weaning V off bottles and onto sippies.
I keep telling myself this:
I've been through plenty of pain. I have experienced both the worst physical and the worst emotional pain of my life all in the past two years.
The worst emotionally was losing Dylan. It hurt so bad that I literally ached all over physically. Sometimes I couldn't breathe. I often wished I were dead too. But I lived through it, and I feel good now. I made it, and I'm okay.
The worst physically was my recovery after having V. I don't know why it was so bad, but I couldn't walk for two weeks. I even cried when I peed (why is it no one tells you how awful recovery is?). I thought I'd never get back to normal! But I did. I made it, and I'm okay.
Tomorrow? I don't think it will compare to either of these experiences. I am afraid it'll hurt, but I just keep telling myself that it'll all be okay and that the pain won't be as bad as what I've already experienced.
I'll make it, and I'll be okay.
Wish me luck.